A Living Will

In 2005 I drafted a living will, stating that “when I can no longer take part in decisions for my own future, I request that I be allowed to die with dignity, and not be kept alive by artificial means or ‘heroic measures’.” I forwarded it to all my sons and brothers and sisters who may be in a position to decide on my behalf.

In 2009 when I visited my son Rajan in Sydney I read an article in the newspaper - When the end is nigh, it's best to avoid hospital (October 31, 2009, By Dr.Ken Hillman)

http://www.theage.com.au/federal-politics/society-and-culture/when-the-end-is-nigh-its-best-to-avoid-hospital-20091030-hppj.html

I was so impressed that I cut it out and kept it with me. After moving into Aarogya kudumbam and interacting with people who are worried about what would happen to them when they are very ill and no longer able to take care of themselves, I again thought of the living will and about the Advance Health Care Directive. I talked to the promoter of our Home, my good friend Dr. Raju about it. A few other residents too felt that we should have it as a legal document and we discussed it with Dr. Raju. He too agreed with us as a good idea and got his lawyer to draft it and asked us to go through it and discuss among ourselves to make any suitable modifications before finalising the same. 

 I felt it didn’t cover the entire eventuality.

I searched the internet and read quite a few of the available documents on the subject – like Dying with dignity, The myth about CPR, End of the care conveyor belt: death in intensive care units,  Contents of a Living Will, When should I refuse treatment? etc.

But after going through all that write up I didn’t like the way I was thinking about my end of life. I have always felt I would die in my sleep – just go to sleep at night and not wake up in the morning. The only thing I used to worry about is somebody having to break open the door to get in. Living in Aarogya kudumbam I don’t even have to worry about it, as there is a spare key in the office with Dr. Raju.

I decided not to write a living will and informed Dr. Raju about it too.

Worried in advance

I went on a two-week long trip to Chennai and Mumbai to attend my nephew Pratham’s wedding in Chennai and the reception in Mumbai. Though I travel comfortably by overnight train to Chennai, Bangalore or Mannargudi I have always taken a flight to Mumbai.

Being away for two weeks in June with really hot weather both in Chennai and Mumbai and having to attend functions and visits to temples and relatives’ houses I needed to take enough clothes – in my case, sarees and matching blouses and petticoats and few nighties and a casual salwar-kameez.  In the last 3 – years, leading a retired life in Coimbatore, I have been wearing mainly cotton sarees, always starched and ironed. I couldn’t imagine myself wearing heavy Kancheepuram sarees with its matching silk blouses with lining in the middle of summer. That means I have to pack enough cotton sarees for the two weeks without having to repeat them more than twice. 

For a week-long trip to Mumbai, I used to take a small suitcase to be checked in and a carry bag as hand-luggage. But this time I knew that wouldn’t do. As is my practice, a few days before the day of departure, I took out a fairly big suitcase I had and started putting things in clothes that I could take with me. The suitcase filled up pretty quickly. Feeling I have over packed, the next day I took a few sarees out. After I packed all the accessories and other paraphernalia my luggage weighed 23 kgs. I knew the airline’s baggage allowance is only 15 kgs. But I was confident of getting away with it since I would not be carrying any hand baggage.

It was no issue in my first leg of the journey from Coimbatore to Chennai. In Chennai, when I went with my sister Kala to a saree shop I got tempted and bought four new sarees.  When I packed everything to leave for Mumbai my suitcase was well packed. But from Chennai to Mumbai I travelled with four other people who only had hand-luggage. Again it was no issue.

In Mumbai, my sister and a sister-in-law, gifted me a saree each and also my sister gave me a nice jewelry box as take away gift for her son’s wedding and a friend of mine gifted me a good size bottle of French perfume. I didn’t even think all these would fit into my suitcase. Luckily the suitcase is expandable.  The night before my departure from Mumbai, I packed everything and it all fitted in well. so firmly. I was sure it would weigh close to 30 kgs.

Usually whenever I go to Mumbai I would buy Mumbai chivda and halwa and other eatables to take home with me. This time I didn’t even go to that shop. Still my sister in law insisted that I take whatever goodies – kaju kathli, mixture, badam halwa, and special Shree Mithai cookies - that are in the house packed in a cloth bag as hand luggage. That I got tempted.

Of course I was worried that my luggage would exceed the baggage allowance limit. Even while waiting in line to check in I was thinking of various ways I could avoid paying for the extra weight. I could find another passenger with just a hand baggage and tag along, or I could use my senior citizen-status and ask for special privilege taking advantage of the staff’s compassion etc.

My suitcase was so heavy I found it difficult to lift it to put it on the conveyer belt while checking it in. The weighing scale showed 17 kgs. I thought that could be the weight of the previous passenger’s luggage and that the staff would reset the weighing scale. No, she did no such thing and she just affixed the identification baggage tag and pushed my suitcase on its way to be loaded on to the plane.

It was a great learning about my personality - How I worry about things that might happen and spend sleepless nights thinking of so many ways and means to avoid or overcome it. Sometimes it just doesn’t happen at all the way I imagine. 

I had an excellent two weeks of holiday spending time with my brothers, sister and all the extended family members.